What do you do when your child gets easily upset or angry?
Our lovable little/big cheeky monkeys will never be perfect. They'll try at all costs, to find ways how to interrupt the peace of our home. There's no perfect parent either, even if you strive to be one, you will at some point get it wrong, specially when dealing with little/big cheeky monkeys under your feet, bothering you from time to time with all their bad habits. It happens at home, specially with my youngest who happens to be the most sensitive in the family. Oh dear, he does get easily upset or angry, specially when he doesn't get his own way or can't accept a no-no. Tim does have learning difficulties, which off course has brought along the way a whole set of other problems. At times, his behaviour can be a total challenge, this is because he finds it hard to process even when I reprimand him in the best possible way. How frustrating can that be for any parent?
A few years back I decided to do "The Incredible Years Course." I even brought the book, as a guide to give me ideas, how to use reinforced techniques while bringing up my children. The book is easy to follow, written by Carolyn Webster Stratton. I feel my confidence as a parent has improved, in fact all our family has benefited from it. What I've learnt and put into practice does continue to be visibly transferable to others in a positive way. One example, I've seen my ex husband gradually snapping out his negative approaches into more positive approaches towards his children. I can also see already his relationship towards everyone in the house has flourished immensely for the best, particularly with Tim. Even I feel more relaxed and happy when he's around, specially when I see all the lovely things he does with our children and the most important thing, we are both communicating far better.
Please read this small play I wrote and find out what you think about Mum and Dad's approach towards Tim using the tips below. Tim's parents are divorced, however they decide to be in good terms for the sake of the children. Is there anything they can do, to improve when dealing with Tim's challenging behaviour?
Daddy is tired from work, He walks through front door carrying a plastic bag full of food. Door slams. He then enters kitchen. Busy Mama is washing dishes.
Hi. How was work?
Not good... Where are the kids?
Up stairs.
Have they had lunch?
Not yet... I'm about to make a cup of tea. Do you want one?
Thanks... I brought corn beef. Tim's favourite.
Haven't had corn beef sandwiches for a while... Just to let you know, there's no white bread.
Have you looked in the fridge?
I have.
Don't worry. I have a loaf of brown bread in my bag.
I hope Tim's okay about it. Brown bread isn't his favourite.
He'll just have to eat it... Is John still out?
I spoke to him ten minutes ago. He's on his way.
Let me find out what Munequita wants.
Daddy goes up to see the children. Busy Mama is clearing the table ready for lunch... A few minutes later he comes down with Tim.
Tim, I'm not going out to buy white bread.
Daddy you know, I don't like the taste of brown bread.
You can at least try it.
It doesn't taste the same. Look at it. It looks yucky.
Dad's right. You can't expect him to go out.
Why not?
Ask your Mother if she'll get it.
Mummy-
No
Why?
You need to accept what Daddy says.
Daddy... It's your fault! You always forget!
Daddy is not happy.
Busy Mama... What's wrong with this ungrateful creature.
Busy Mama doesn't answer.
He thinks he can come here and rule the nest. Go to your room now!
Nando, stop. Stop shouting at him.
I'm not having lunch anymore.
Tim is upset.
Well, in that case. Go to you room now and don't come down!
Nando. Stop. I know you're upset. But you can't shout.
What about me.
Tim-
I'm upset because Daddy forgot to buy my bread.
Tim, it's better you go upstairs. I'll come up and talk to you.
Mummy I'm not having lunch anymore. I mean it.
It's fine. I'll make it for you later.
Don't bother.
Not even your lovely delicious corn beef?
It's fine. I don't want it right now.
Tim runs upstairs. Nando and Busy Mama converse softly
Nando you shouldn't shout.
It isn't the first time he's made a fuss about food.
We need to talk.
Not now. First I need to get lunch.
The salad's ready. It's in the fridge. Let me get it.
It's fine. Do you want corn beef in your sandwich?
I do... Thanks. Let me go up stairs and see what Tim's doing.
Busy Mama goes up stairs, while Nando gets lunch. Five minutes later she comes down.
Oh dear. I completely forgot about the teas.
You can do them now. Lunch is nearly ready.
Nando... Can we talk?
What about?
Well... we all know Tim's sensitive and gets easily upset when he doesn't get his own way. What I'm saying... you shouldn't be to hard on him... loosing your rag isn't the solution... I'm not sure whether you were aware but, you did pulled him down.
That's because he irritates me. I didn't mean too.
There are other ways you could deal with him.
And what is it?
Well... First we need to. Maybe... maybe not now. Tim's coming down.
A few seconds later.
Mummy.
Oh here you are.
Tim is at the table.
Have you washed your hands?
I have... Mummy.
Yes?
I'm sorry.
That's okay. Tim... Come here... Good boy for apologizing.
Busy Mama hugs Tim.
I love you Mummy.
Me too.
Tim, do you still, want corn beef on it's own?
Mmm... let me think about it... maybe... maybe I could have it with brown bread, just this once.
Tim, I'm sorry I lost my temper... Next time. Remind me.
I will Mr. Forgetful Daddy he, he, he.
Tips.
1. When a child is upset or irritable, do not shout.
2. Walk towards him/her, stand in front of him/her and bend down to his/her level and start talking about positive things he/she likes in order to distract him/her away from something he/she is upset about. In Tim's case he was upset and disappointed with his Dad for not buying his favourite white bread.
3. Communication is important. This is another example...
Tim I know your upset because I forgot to buy white bread but look what I have. Your favourite corn beef. How about I make a delicious corn beef sandwich with brown bread? or maybe you want corn beef on it's own, or do you want it with something else? Tim, I'm sorry I didn't buy it. I am a forgetful Daddy. You need to remind me next time.
3. Keep calm and smile while you reassure your child.
4. What you say, mean it.
5. Never argue in front of your child instead find ways to support him/her together in a calm way together.
6. Always discuss about the problem with others, away from him/her.
7. Always accept it's no ones fault. Daddy was tired from work. This is why he was angry. Tim was also upset and irritable because he was upset and sensitive at the time because Dad forgot his white bread.
8. Forgiveness is important however small a misunderstanding may be.
9. Always praise your child after he/she has had time to calm down.
10. Find other ways to deal with a sensitive or irritable tired child who wants to have his way, is disobedient or rude.
vlog 2018 IRENE KATHERINE ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
A few years back I decided to do "The Incredible Years Course." I even brought the book, as a guide to give me ideas, how to use reinforced techniques while bringing up my children. The book is easy to follow, written by Carolyn Webster Stratton. I feel my confidence as a parent has improved, in fact all our family has benefited from it. What I've learnt and put into practice does continue to be visibly transferable to others in a positive way. One example, I've seen my ex husband gradually snapping out his negative approaches into more positive approaches towards his children. I can also see already his relationship towards everyone in the house has flourished immensely for the best, particularly with Tim. Even I feel more relaxed and happy when he's around, specially when I see all the lovely things he does with our children and the most important thing, we are both communicating far better.
This is a small clip to show one of so many positive
things about Tim, who is absolutely terrific
playing the piano and art.
Daddy is tired from work, He walks through front door carrying a plastic bag full of food. Door slams. He then enters kitchen. Busy Mama is washing dishes.
Hi. How was work?
Not good... Where are the kids?
Up stairs.
Have they had lunch?
Not yet... I'm about to make a cup of tea. Do you want one?
Thanks... I brought corn beef. Tim's favourite.
Haven't had corn beef sandwiches for a while... Just to let you know, there's no white bread.
Have you looked in the fridge?
I have.
Don't worry. I have a loaf of brown bread in my bag.
I hope Tim's okay about it. Brown bread isn't his favourite.
He'll just have to eat it... Is John still out?
I spoke to him ten minutes ago. He's on his way.
Let me find out what Munequita wants.
Daddy goes up to see the children. Busy Mama is clearing the table ready for lunch... A few minutes later he comes down with Tim.
Tim, I'm not going out to buy white bread.
Daddy you know, I don't like the taste of brown bread.
You can at least try it.
It doesn't taste the same. Look at it. It looks yucky.
Dad's right. You can't expect him to go out.
Why not?
Ask your Mother if she'll get it.
Mummy-
No
Why?
You need to accept what Daddy says.
Daddy... It's your fault! You always forget!
Daddy is not happy.
Busy Mama... What's wrong with this ungrateful creature.
Busy Mama doesn't answer.
He thinks he can come here and rule the nest. Go to your room now!
Nando, stop. Stop shouting at him.
I'm not having lunch anymore.
Tim is upset.
Well, in that case. Go to you room now and don't come down!
Nando. Stop. I know you're upset. But you can't shout.
What about me.
Tim-
I'm upset because Daddy forgot to buy my bread.
Tim, it's better you go upstairs. I'll come up and talk to you.
Mummy I'm not having lunch anymore. I mean it.
It's fine. I'll make it for you later.
Don't bother.
Not even your lovely delicious corn beef?
It's fine. I don't want it right now.
Tim runs upstairs. Nando and Busy Mama converse softly
Nando you shouldn't shout.
It isn't the first time he's made a fuss about food.
We need to talk.
Not now. First I need to get lunch.
The salad's ready. It's in the fridge. Let me get it.
It's fine. Do you want corn beef in your sandwich?
I do... Thanks. Let me go up stairs and see what Tim's doing.
Busy Mama goes up stairs, while Nando gets lunch. Five minutes later she comes down.
Oh dear. I completely forgot about the teas.
You can do them now. Lunch is nearly ready.
Nando... Can we talk?
What about?
Well... we all know Tim's sensitive and gets easily upset when he doesn't get his own way. What I'm saying... you shouldn't be to hard on him... loosing your rag isn't the solution... I'm not sure whether you were aware but, you did pulled him down.
That's because he irritates me. I didn't mean too.
There are other ways you could deal with him.
And what is it?
Well... First we need to. Maybe... maybe not now. Tim's coming down.
A few seconds later.
Mummy.
Oh here you are.
Tim is at the table.
Have you washed your hands?
I have... Mummy.
Yes?
I'm sorry.
That's okay. Tim... Come here... Good boy for apologizing.
Busy Mama hugs Tim.
I love you Mummy.
Me too.
Tim, do you still, want corn beef on it's own?
Mmm... let me think about it... maybe... maybe I could have it with brown bread, just this once.
Tim, I'm sorry I lost my temper... Next time. Remind me.
I will Mr. Forgetful Daddy he, he, he.
Tips.
1. When a child is upset or irritable, do not shout.
2. Walk towards him/her, stand in front of him/her and bend down to his/her level and start talking about positive things he/she likes in order to distract him/her away from something he/she is upset about. In Tim's case he was upset and disappointed with his Dad for not buying his favourite white bread.
3. Communication is important. This is another example...
Tim I know your upset because I forgot to buy white bread but look what I have. Your favourite corn beef. How about I make a delicious corn beef sandwich with brown bread? or maybe you want corn beef on it's own, or do you want it with something else? Tim, I'm sorry I didn't buy it. I am a forgetful Daddy. You need to remind me next time.
3. Keep calm and smile while you reassure your child.
4. What you say, mean it.
5. Never argue in front of your child instead find ways to support him/her together in a calm way together.
6. Always discuss about the problem with others, away from him/her.
7. Always accept it's no ones fault. Daddy was tired from work. This is why he was angry. Tim was also upset and irritable because he was upset and sensitive at the time because Dad forgot his white bread.
8. Forgiveness is important however small a misunderstanding may be.
9. Always praise your child after he/she has had time to calm down.
10. Find other ways to deal with a sensitive or irritable tired child who wants to have his way, is disobedient or rude.
vlog 2018 IRENE KATHERINE ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
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